To write again ...

I wanted to start writing like this again so badly. Bitching about everything and everyone, declaring my love for things and people I pretend not to love, asking questions, confessing truths. And doing it all in secret. Now I find I’m at a loss. Maybe I’m out of touch or maybe I’m lazy…or maybe it’s (God, I hope not) that I genuinely have nothing to say.

TheAviator and I ended our non-thing a couple of days back.
TheAviator is this guy who I’ve known for about 2 years now. We’ve never really been an item. I always thought he was kind of interested in me and I’ve been – ranging from very interested, to not interested, to kind of interested – in him for that whole time. We’ve both dated other people during this time, but for me, I always sort of had this idea that we might end up together (due to good-on-paper-ness).

Anyhow, two nights ago, we argued about me going to Delhi next month and not wanting to stay with him, then wanting to stay with him and then he thinking it’s “un-officerlike” to do that. It was a silly argument. But I think I realised I did not need him in my life and this was going nowhere. And I don’t think he needs me either. So “it” is over. More about “it” later, I’m sure.

Other than that, I have no real love-life per se. For once, I’m not really interested in anyone either. Okay fine, there’s this one guy I think is kiiinda cute and I kiiinnnda got mixed messages from him a couple of months back, but now it has been made very clear that he, not only has no such interest in me, but also has a girlfriend.

And then there are my friends, who are starting to get married or who are at least starting to think on those lines. I’m 23. I wonder if I’ll ever feel it’s time for me to get married. I like the idea of it on some days, but even on those days, I know I’m far from ready.

More tomorrow, or maybe day after :-)