To write again ...

Boys are not easy to figure out. I don’t know who said they were. I try to tell myself that if you can’t figure out whether he’s into you or not – he’s probably not. But today, or these days, that isn’t cutting it. I have convinced myself that a friend (I use this word because he uses it) of mine has feelings for me and won’t make a move because we work together. In truth, he COULD be interested, but isn’t making a move because I think he thinks he can do better (yes, I know how wrong that sounds), OR he knows I’m interested and flirts a little coz the attention is fun for him OR, of course, he’s not interested and I am just delusional. I don’t even know which the worst among those scenarios is. I had to resort to reading my self-help bible (‘he’s just not that into you’) and now feel all empowered, as if I have the entire situation under control, but I probably will feel differently tomorrow.

Love? Probably not. But REALLY REALLY strong ‘like’. I’m attracted to him, compatible with him and uninhibited around him – this rarely happens to me. Very rarely. Almost never. Okay, never. But I won’t be calling this love or him my soul mate.

I’m writing this because I wanted to start writing again, and even though I am ashamed to admit this, all I could think about writing at the moment, is this guy. I’m a 24 year old woman with a good job, brains and a great life and all I wanted to write about was a guy. I have started writing again to snap out of these silly obsessions and put a new spin on things. I am writing because a wise friend said to me that it’s insane to expect change without changing yourself or the way you do things.