To write again ...

...cathartic and good for the soul.

No one likes to be burned. I sure as hell don't. No one likes to be taken for a ride or taken advantage of or used. I was thinking about some things that have happened in my life recently that have made me profoundly (ok not PROFOUNDLY - but ....quite) unhappy and I came to realise that I have been at the giving-end of similar situations for way too long to complain that this happens to me now.

Who has not used someone for momentary validation? Who has not said - hey this is not the person for me - but they're fun to talk to/sleep with/go out with and why not? Who has not felt a need to be loved so strong, that sitting still is as unfathomable as the horizon? I enjoy being validated. Constantly. Needy? Yup, you got that right.

And the thing with being needy is knowing you’re needy isn’t the first step toward overcoming it. You’ll know you’re needy quite early on in life. Needing attention. Needing to be loved. When loved – needing to rock the boat. Needing the drama. When we have the drama – we need to be won over. We need to have it made up to us. When that’s over – we do something new. Neediness attracts neediness, apparently. Worse still, neediness begets neediness. The thing with neediness is that you are not needy for love or attention – you are needy because you are needy – to be needy. That’s all. It’s a vicious circle.

When I am practical, I know that I want to be calm. I want to not worry – not think about things – not overanalyse things. But my irrational self causes me to stir up feelings I should ignore or shouldn’t have to begin with, jump to conclusions, worry, and wreck.


Do I have an answer to this problem? No. If I did, I wouldn’t be single and cursing the last guy who didn’t love me the way I wanted.

Why have I written this today? Because writing is cathartic, it is good for the soul.